Just one of those days …

(a couple of days ago)

I have to to warn you – this is not going to be a philosophical entry AT ALL since today is one of those days when I have to remember the saying about how to recognize good days if one never has bad ones. Meaning – this day sucks and very much so. The thing is: I can’t even tell you exactly why. Hope this is not the  first sign of a depression …
Okay, recapitulation: Our party two weekends ago was good, though less people than last year. Still drunk enough in the end and I realized that walking and dancing in high heels needs practice!

In between then and now its working on all ends at the same time. Trying anyway. Can’t say it works too well. So the weather today pretty much reflects my mood. But I guess everybody knows those days when just about everthing p… you off, the bus leaves right befor your nose and the most desirable thing you can think of would be losing yourself somehow… jump out of your skin, find some pretty illusions in drugs or at least temporary oblivion in a couple of bottles of red wine – or at least some sleep anyway But you just can’t. Damn.

In my case I strongly suspect a lot of unfinished work playing a big part in it + the growing feeling that I don’t know why I am doing it anyway. I think the last time when I was questioning the meaning and use of what I am doing was … High school? So once more I can ponder about how my mood is affected when I get the feeling that I am the cue ball and not the player – and no matter of what: my moods, work, physical condition …

So the highlight in the last couple of days was something extremly philosophical … read the picture (as soon as I have it)

From that on we could of course enter a long discussion about how playing war actually fosters the violence existing in onself. For example I remember the psychatrist at the conference in Munich saying he would ban all those ego shooting computer games because they convey violence. But is that so? I wonder. I for example know that I have a lot of violence in me – but I can’t say that’s the reason for enjoying gotcha as much as I did. It was more like stepping into a computer game – an adult continuance of what started with playing … hm, how do you say “Räuber und Gendarm” in English – ha, Cops and Robbers I was told Thanx Andrew … anyway what’s important in my opinion is that you always know that it is a game. On the other hand I have the suspicion that part of the fun is the distribution of adrenalin. Isn’t that the same we seek in all other sports up to climbing mountains in Himalaya? There it’s winning against nature – here it’s winning against the other players. Which leads me to another point: Can you create the same feeling purely intellectual? So – there you are – just by playing gotcha you land at the same questions which concerned Hesse all his life: Can happiness be achieved by taming the animal in ourselves or do we need to satisfy both sides of our human nature? Easy to see that the last book I read was the “Steppenwolf”, huh?

PS.: Just by the way – ITS IPHONE DAY IN GERMANY!!!!! And I can’t afford it And we would mach so perfectly …