New ways of Borderlining? or what is the value of knowledge?

For the first time in my life I experience a way of working which becomes very existential. So for example (I know that most people have experienced that) I am too busy for eating … very literally so. For in the morning its very often the choice between eating and working and in the evening its either the same or I am too tired for eating anyway. I have to say – a very interesting experience and so quite ok for a while I would say. As a. once said: We all still have our reserves. The only … well, lets say not so good thing about is that I am also losing my ability to sleep – and pepole who know me know that this is about the last thing which one would expect to happen to me But enough of my new life experiences
What is far more interesting for me anyway are the questions of why do I do that (and together with me lots of people I am certain) and why do I want to know?

There are certain possibilities:

1) Its an achievement thing: Just as hiking in the himalaya or playing volleyball etc. its about how much can I achieve with full effort before reaching my limits. Would be all about fighting spirit then.

2) I am curious about how it feels to be overworked just as I am curious about (almost) everything else. The same same drive which also takes me travelling, learning languages, studying philosophy … and doing all that other stuff

3) Also concerning the the question about how much body and mind can take but from a different point of view. Could be that this is just my way working – meaning I don’t seem to be able to do things moderatly (friends used to tell me that I am a 0 or 1 person) – or maybe this becomes a certain way of dealing with pressure in a different direction.

ok, there needs to be an explination for that I think:

Admittedly I have suspected myself of Borderlining for quite a while. (I think I do agree mainly with an observance some friends made or even my psychologist some time ago.)
For more info (http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline-Persönlichkeitsstörung)
Actually never thought too bad of it either. It was more just the way I am and I have grown to really like my life .. most of the time anyway

So could this way of working be more an expression for the latter? I wonder if that’s possible at all … Would be quite a productive way then and not to be disregarded. It also arouses the question if that meens that I haven’t evolved at all – saying what some psychologists would say: People will react to certain happenings in their life always more or less the same way – the one they once have learned, so they are conditioned always to react like that and there is nothing they can do about it. The only way to react differently then would be that the person learns to judge situations differently, meaning in this case to push the feeling of being pressured further and further away. So by learnning technics to deal with the situation one comes gradually to the point where the same situation does not activate this certain feeling anymore. But the problem remains that as soon as one experiences the feeling of getting under pressure one will react by the same way.

But if one does evolve then it could also mean that the normal reaction of hurting the body is turned into something productive – and thus dealing with the pressure in a way that is turned into something useful and thus embedded in a life affirming rather than negating (ostrich tactics – hm, can one say that in english? Andrew help ) process.

Hm, would be interesting to talk with a pyschologist about it ….

So much about question one.

But even if I eventually find out why I do certain things the way I do them (probably as it it with most things in life a little bit of everything) there is still the question: What does it matter if we know or understand things? Is it just to create a certain feeling of power? (Doesn’t matter if its over other people or situations or just oneself) The thing is then that konwledge and understanding are just valuable because they can be functionalized for gaining or exercising power. or has this knowledge a value in itself meaning that gaining it is a goal itself? Yeah … just another of those unsolved and ever discussed problems of philosophy

By the way … I have been at the philosophical colloquium a couple of weeks ago where they discussed just that question. And the answer of that professor was that we just like to know things because we are curious – its in our nature so to speak. Somehow I really liked that. Especially since it coincidides with my ever evolving theory that its natural to be directed at and thus in relation with our surroundings and not solitary. And what else is being curious but to be open for the and directed at the world around us?